How to Understand and Fully Appreciate an Ozzy

This is not, and probably never will be a complete list. Hell, even I don’t understand me.

1. I will always try to be a gentleman, though occasionally I may accidentally slip up.

2. I will never intentionally hurt someone, emotionally or physically, unless I have good reason.

3. Good reasons include, but are possibly not limited to:
-You hurting me
-You hurting a close friend
-You being a dick
-You catching me on a bad day
-You being Kyle Sully

4. a) If I’m not speaking to you with no good reason, it’s just because I don’t really feel like talking. Nothing personal at all, I assure you.
b) If I’m not talking to you and you think there might be good reasons, but you’re not sure, ask. You might get snapped at, but you may still get an answer.
c) (i) If you know the reason I’m not talking to you, and it’s negative, don’t try to make amends. I’ll forgive you soon enough.
(ii) If you know the reason and think it unfair, feel free to correct me.

5. a)I will never lie.
b) I will frequently twist the truth to my advantage.

6. a) If threatened, I will do my very best to laugh at myself.
b) Failing this, I will resort to vicious sarcasm.

7. a) It is a firm belief of mine that while a person can be smart, people are stupid.
b) On occasion I may upgrade this to a person can be stupid as well.

8. I am apathy personified. If I don’t react as you might have hoped to something, chances are I’m just suppressing it. It’s a problem, I know, but hey. It’s a coping mechanism. Now you know.

9. Music is my life. It controls me like nothing else. This rule is only broken by the First Universal Law Of Ozzy.

10. a)I like black. It is one of the sexiest things ever.
b) Necks are even more so.
c) See the Third Universal Law Of Ozzy

11. The new and arguably improved Ozzy would like to add that he is a self righteous, vain, egotistical fuck., and oh my Lord Logic, is he gorgeous.

11 note 1: All other laws still mostly apply.

11 note 2: TULoO definitely still applies

First Universal Law Of Ozzy: I live only to love. Deprived of it for long periods of time, and I will become something akin to depressed.

Second Universal Law Of Ozzy: I’m a nice guy.

Third Universal Law Of Ozzy: At the end of the day, theres only one thing you need to know about me…
I bite.